Wives Tales and Pregnancy

It's all great to hear advice during your pregnancy, especially unwelcome advice. I'm sure you've been told by one person or another how to live. Am I right? It only gets worse the further along in your pregnancy you are. Someone will want to tell you that you shouldn't bend, or walk a certain way, not to pick up a baby in case you hurt the one in your stomach or put yourself in labor. As the pregnancy gets closer to the due date you'll be told many different home remedies of how to put yourself in labor. Got a headache? Someone can tell you exactly what to drink to get rid of it without any medication, remember it is important to ask a doctor before trying to take something you've never tried before doing it. But the most fun I have during the course of the 9-10 months stretch is hearing all the wives tales, also known as myths.

I'm pretty sure you aren't going to even care at this point what sex the baby is, all you want is for the morning sickness to stop. You may even be counting down the days until the first trimester is over. Chances are if you morning sickness someone is bound to tell you what sex of the baby is. One wives tale is if you are having severe morning sickness is a sign you are having a girl.

Here's a wives tale that is a lot of fun and you can test it on everyone in your household. Take a thin piece of string or your hair, slide your ring down it, hold it above your belly and let the ring dangle above it. If the rings spins in a circle it is a boy, but if it goes from one side to the other, it is a girl. Once you've tried it out on your tummy, get someone in your house and do it above their hand. Does the ring spin in a circle above your husband's hand? Hmm, is it really and old wives tale or is there really something to it?

Many women claim to suffer from bouts of heartburn during the pregnancy, according to the old wives tell this would mean your baby will be born with a head full of hair.

Right before the end of your first trimester your doctor will listen to your baby's heart rate, this is to make sure the baby is doing alright. The wives tale goes, if the heart rate is high it is a girl and a low one is a boy.

Ever have someone tell you that you are carrying high or low and wonder what that really means? Basically if you are carrying your baby low it is closer to your abdomen, a high baby is closer to your chest. Look at yourself in the mirror. How is your baby sitting? The old tale says that if you are carrying high it is a girl, carrying low is a boy.

Wives tales can be a lot of fun but keep in mind these aren’t fact. Don’t go preparing your child’s room just because one of these told you, you were going to have a girl.

How to be genuinely happy

Life isn’t the sweetest candy. Sometimes, when I feel like the world is just too heavy, I look around and find people who continued to live fascinating and wonderful lives. And then thoughts come popping into my mind like bubbles from nowhere – “How did their life become so adorably sweet? How come they still can manage to laugh and play around despite a busy stressful life?”  Then I pause and observed for awhile… I figured out that maybe, they start to work on a place called ‘self’.

So, how does one become genuinely happy? Step 1 is to love yourself.

My theology professor once said that “loving means accepting.”  To love oneself means to accept that you are not a perfect being, but behind the imperfections must lie a great ounce of courage to be able to discover ways on how to improve your repertoire to recover from our mistakes.

Genuine happiness also pertains to contentment. When you are contented with the job you have, the way you look, with your family, your friends, the place you live in, your car, and all the things you now have – truly, you know the answer to the question “how to be genuinely happy.”

When we discover a small start somewhere from within, that small start will eventually lead to something else, and to something else. But if you keep questioning life lit it has never done you any good, you will never be able to find genuine happiness.

I believe that life is about finding out about right and wrong, trying and failing, wining and losing. These are things that happen as often as you inhale and exhale. Failure, in a person’s life has become as abundant and necessary as air. But this should not hinder us from becoming happy.

How to be genuinely happy in spite all these? I tell you… every time you exert effort to improve the quality of life and your being, whether it is cleaning up your room, helping a friend, taking care of your sick dog, fail on board exams and trying again, life gives you equivalent points for that.

Imagine life as a big score board like those which are used in the NFLs. Every time you take a step forward, you make scoring points. Wouldn’t it be nice to look at that board at the end of each game and think to yourself “Whew! I got a point today. I’m glad I gave it a shot.”, instead of looking at it all blank and murmur “Geez, I didn’t even hit a score today. I wish I had the guts to try out. We could have won!” and then walk away.

Genuine happiness isn’t about driving the hottest Formula 1 car, nor getting the employee of the year award, earning the highest 13th month pay, or beating the sales quota. Sometimes, the most sought after prizes in life doesn’t always go to the fastest, the strongest, the bravest or not even the best. So, how do you become genuinely happy?  Every one has his own definition of ‘happiness’. Happiness for a writer may mean launching as much best selling books as possible. Happiness for a basketball rookie may mean getting the rookie of the year award. Happiness for a beggar may mean a lot of money. Happiness for a business man may mean success. So, really now, how do we become genuinely happy? Simple. You don’t have to have the best things in this world. Its about doing and making the best out of every single thing. When you find yourself smiling at your own mistake and telling your self “Oh, I’ll do better next time”, you carry with you a flame of strong will power to persevere that may spread out like a brush fire. You possess a willingness to stand up again and try – that will make you a genuinely happy person.

When you learn to accept yourself and your own faults. You pass step 1 in the project “how to become genuinely happy”.For as long as you know how to accept others, you will also be accepted. For as long as you love and know how to love, you will receive love ten folds back.

Again, throw me that same question “how to become genuinely happy?”. I’ll refer you to a friend of mine who strongly quoted- “Most of us know that laughter is the best medicine to life’s aches and pain. But most of us don’t know that the best kind of laughter is laughter over self. Coz then you don’t just become happy… you become free.”

Fun Ways to Announce Your Pregnancy

Whether you just found out you’re pregnant or you’ve known for a few months, announcing your pregnancy to family and friends can be a lot of fun. Some may want to wait until a certain time during their pregnancy, while others want to call everyone immediately after finding out themselves.

Telling The Father
Have a romantic dinner for two with candle lights, it may be your last time for a while, between morning sickness and raising your little one. Serve up baby carrots, baby back ribs and anything else you can think as baby. At the end, pour apple juice instead of wine and hand him a present. Inside you can have a tiny baby bib that says, “I heart My Daddy”  
or a pair of baby booties.

If you can’t tell the father right away because he’s away on business, or deployed try sending him a care package. Inside the box place a few baby items, everything in blue and pink and a baby naming book in the center. Place a note on top of the book with, “I need a name soon, I’ll be here by June.” Or whenever the baby is due.

You can also see how long it takes him to figure it out. Go to the dollar store and pick up a bunch of small baby items, a bib, rattle, bottle, booties, etc. For a week, leave an item laying around the house where he is bound to find them. At the end of the week if he hasn’t figured it out yet, prepare the big gift. Have a large teddy bear sitting at the dinner table in the seat beside him, make sure there is a bib wrapped around him and maybe a sign that says Hi Daddy. 

Telling Family and Friends
Show up to a family gathering wearing a shirt that announces your state. These days there are a ton of shirts out there with clever sayings, “Baby on Board,” “A Bun in the Oven,” or something related to the pregnancy. The moment you walk in or take off your jacket everyone will figure it out without you ever having to say a word. Now, get ready for the tears and excitement. You’ll be answering a ton of questions.

If you already have children you may want to call the grandparents up and tell them that the next Christmas they may want to add one more to the list.

If this is the first grandchild, you may want to get a bracelet link for your mom that reads, “#1 Grandma” or grandparent t-shirts. This will not only be a great present for them but something they will cherish and love forever.

No matter when you spread the news it can be a lot of fun, just think creative and let the pieces fall. You may even want to try catching all of it on video, so think ahead and prepare for the BIG moment, and I’m not meaning the birth.

Royalty diamonds rumor

When did diamonds first become recognized as precious stones and used for jewelry? The earliest reference to them has been found in a Sanskrit document dated around 300 BCE. They were associated with the gods and were used to decorate religious icons and statues. In India, only kings, the highest caste, were allowed to own them.

Although diamonds were traded east and west of India, they were still prized in their natural crystal state, or polished to increase the shine and luster of them. The first guild of diamond cutters was established in 1375, and it was then that the practice of cutting the stones and faceting them was developed.

From the earliest times, diamonds were the province of kings and queens. In fact, in the 13th century, Louis IX of France decreed that only royalty could own diamonds, a dictate which faded away about 100 years later. By the late 15th century, they were used as wedding rings.

The largest diamond ever found was a 3106-carat diamond discovered in 1905 in a mine owned by Thomas Cullinan, for whom the stone was made. It was cut into smaller stones, the largest being made into the 530-carat Great Star of Africa diamond, cut by the Asscher Brothers, a famous diamond firm to this day. It’s also called the Cullinan I diamond, and is set in the Scepter of the Cross of the United Kingdom. A smaller stone cut from the Cullinan diamond is called the Lesser Star of Africa. It weighs 317 carats and is part of the Imperial State Crown. Both gems can be seen as part of the British Crown Jewels which are displayed in the Tower of London. The rest of the Cullinan diamond was cut into 11 smaller-weight stones and a number of fragments.

While the Cullinan diamond is the largest diamond ever found, there is a rumor that the man who discovered the diamond actually broke off part of the diamond before presenting it to the mine’s owner. This diamond, if the rumor is true, would have been 5,000 carats!

Enjoy Your Life: Change Your Point of View

"Two men look out through the same bars: One sees the mud, and one sees the stars."- Frederick Langbridge, A Cluster of Quiet Thoughts

If you’ve placed second in a writing contest, will you jump for joy and push for better results the next time or will you be discouraged and find an excuse not to join again?

In life, you are always filled with choices. You may opt to have a pessimist’s view and live a self-defeated life or you may decide to take the optimist’s route and take a challenging and fulfilling life.

So why nurture an optimist’s point of view? And why now?

Well, optimism has been linked to positive mood and good morale; to academic, athletic, military, occupational and political success; to popularity; to good health and even to long life and freedom from trauma.

On the other hand, the rates of depression and pessimism have never been higher. It affects middle-aged adults the same way it hits younger people. The mean age of onset has gone from 30 to 15. It is no longer a middle-aged housewife’s disorder but also a teen-ager’s disorder’ as well.

Here’s how optimists are in action and researches that back up why it really pays to be an optimist:

Optimists expect the best

The defining characteristic of pessimists is that they tend to believe bad events, which will last a long time and undermine everything they do, are their own fault.

The truth is optimists are confronted with the same hard knocks of this world. What differs is the way they explain their misfortune---it’s the opposite way. They tend to believe defeat is just a temporary setback, that its causes are confined to this one case.

Optimists tend to focus on and plan for the 'problem' at hand. They use 'positive reinterpretation.' In other words, they most likely reinterpret a negative experience in a way that helps them learn and grow. Such people are unfazed by bad situation, they perceive it is a challenge and try harder.

They won’t say “things will never get better,” “If I failed once, it will happen again” and “If I experience misfortune in one part of my life, then it will happen in my whole life.”

Positive expectancies of optimists also predict better reactions during transitions to new environments, sudden tragedies and unlikely turn of events. If they fall, they will stand up. They see opportunities instead of obstacles.

People respond positively to optimists

Optimists are proactive and less dependent on others for their happiness. They find no need to control or manipulate people. They usually draw people towards them. Their optimistic view of the world can be contagious and influence those they are with.

Optimism seems a socially desirable trait in all communities. Those who share optimism are generally accepted while those who spread gloom, panic and hysteria are treated unfavorably.

In life, these people often win elections; get voted most congenial and sought for advice.

When the going gets tough, optimists get tougher

Optimists typically maintain higher levels of subjective well-being during times of stress than do people who are less optimistic. In contrast, pessimists are likely to react to stressful events by denying that they exist or by avoiding dealing with problems. Pessimists are more likely to quit trying when difficulties arise.

They persevere. They just don’t give up easily, they are also known for their patience. Inching their way a step closer to that goal or elusive dream.

Optimists are healthier and live longer

Medical research has justified that simple pleasures and a positive outlook can cause a measurable increase in the body's ability to fight disease.

Optimists’ health is unusually good. They age well, much freer than most people from the usual physical ills of middle age. And they get to outlive those prone to negative thoughts.

So why not be an optimist today? And think positively towards a more fulfilled life.

Why not look forward to success in all your endeavors? Why not be resilient? Like everybody else you are bound to hit lows sometimes but don’t just stay there. Carry yourself out of the mud and improve your chances of getting back on the right track. And why not inspire others to remove their dark-colored glasses and see life in the bright side?

Lingeries and Beach Party

Honeymoon in the beach sounds like a perfect choice. The heat, the sands and the tropical view will give you an unforgettable moment with your couple. Moreover for the perfect honeymoon in the beach you also have to prepare all of the basic needs and mostly that preparation is not only wasting your time but also costing a lot of money.

However, today there is one of the smart choices for you to shopping any kinds that you need for beach party, and the only place that you should come to is Save Bucket. They are really concerning to help you getting high quality products with a lower price. In this site you will find all kinds of beachwear in any famous brand but in a very lower price. Besides that, you also able to find all kinds of catchy design of swimwear that will give you more passion to feel sexy in front of your husband and more loved by him. In Save Bucket not only the outfits that you can get for you and your partner but also some beach accessories that will make your honeymoon holiday more perfects. All are offered in a very latest design and in the best price that you will not find in the others place. Well, preparation for the beach needs is completed. It is the time to back to your basic needs for honeymoon. Purchasing a sexy lingerie is also important to conduct and in Save Bucket all kinds of stylish sexy lingerie are available in a lower price and in amazing design.

How to mend a broken heart in 5 easy steps

Poignant tremendous broken heart. I guess if you are read you this will know. Men in particular more distress; men thinks up we may not suffer from lovesick. This makes we try to repress it, and that hurt even more. Female is open in a passion they and their weeping; this helps them to cure there are many faster.

One fast search at Google shows millions sites dealing with this topic; most of advice is well-intentioned but in a simple outlined as “ cry, and rides it razed until it stops to take ill.” One that is not excellent way to get over a broken heart; that gets to take moon or year. I want to share whatever few different. Let gets proactive.

This is one meditate what do I one have used to get over sadness. If you have read I “ About ” page, you will realise that sadness are my main weakness. I go into over two-time depression it. And I have tried a lot of things to get over it. This is one of the best.

This is one of the first post in here blog that is a bit much “ off fence there ”, but doesn't let it is laid you off. While am I keep faith, I will only write whereof have worked for me. So gives it one attempt.
Let beginning!

Note: I have left some part cryptic to the last. There is a reason for this. Read five steps, and practises it, before back coming reads rest.

1) As with all meditation, get somewhere quiet and cozy. You should be own for it one, so is not an even get to trouble you. You may also of many emotion be repressed what do you need to let, and has men around may grip you returning.

2) relax you body. Imagine one ray of light turn white to go through you body from head to toe. Relax each a part light touches. Once foot's light hit you, this movement backs up to go to head and each muscle relaxs be; you will be surprised at how much tension there maybe left by something afters pass.

3) imagining you are walking down one path. On distance that you looking one huge fortress. This is where you feel rest, on one pedestal. Walking this this's until you reach fortress door.

4) Open castled door. What do room take after? What is condition is its sensory at?

5) Relieving feeling you. Imagine alone walking toward sensory. Imagining light purpose and loves to to relieve feeling, and watches it returns to normal. Take as much time while you require for its part.

And aught all there is subject to be. Going and tries it present. You may of many question: what do feel take after? How I use love to to cure it? But I strongly suggest you try first meditation – it just minute take.
Welcome back

Now, why are i am laid in more detail on 5 steps? I don't want to have think. This essential that you person imagery is individualised and not umpteen image which I have planted on you head.

Let I word. While first i be been tried this meditation, breakdown of my reading is “ Be its sensory fettered? Then unlocks it.” That image is stuck on my head, and my despite unlocks my feel, I don't have benefit.

Why? My feel doesn't be secured. What this was felt is broken up and spit on. So I am tried again; now I clear my head, and open end fortress door and let one image form by nature. All I am known am it sensory I am in there.

This momentary takings but I at quickly concept this the way obviously am. This have pedestals off fall it. Throne room is a mess, like one earthquake have already happened. Pillar have fallen around this and largest pillar has destroyed it, just deserts half descries.

I imagine alone lift to fall pillar by try a fall its superhuman. Then I imagine until I become to be consumed with light and love, and gently hit beginning my feel. Gently this retrieves its form, like one deflated heart-shaped balloon loaded with air. By the way, this is OK if you one of one cartoon y. pictured, the same as long time as it is right for own.

Then I clear little and nick scratch on the way same. I next polish this until it is shone again, and places it backs not to pedestal. I feel better immediately. I go over this nightly before I go to sleep. Sec night this have fallen null again but The Rock destroys this is smaller, and it requires less work to cure.

Now, I have no IDE where this image; but with lets it to visit by nature, this is right for my situation. So: Let coming image. This will best for you, and aught how you get benefit the most out from it.

How to maximize your pleasure and joy

Happiness. What everyone is striving for. The end goal of everything we do. A new car, a new hot girlfriend, a handsome husband, money, the latest extreme sport, the latest fashion? Are they goals in themselves? Likely not. What are we seeking in those things or people? Happiness.

How do we enjoy each moment? How do we heighten our pleasure? How do we feel truly alive? There are many ideas on this, here I shall discuss what has worked for me – how I went from a depressed, angry person to a happy joyful one.

The body is not a machine; it is your temple
I think there is a current tendency to treat the body like a machine. This trend is everywhere, from TV to medicine to the gym to the club. Do X reps on this to build your bench press to Y kilograms. Put this in your body to offset that pain, do this to counteract that disease. Put this in your body to have fun.

The body is not a machine, although it might work like one. It is your temple. While the body isn’t all of you, it is a major portion of you and your life. Yet many people neglect it for other things – their career or a good night out perhaps. You have to take care of it. This is hard to do, and I’m guilty of this once in a while, but you have to make an effort.

This is basic common sense, but given how many unhealthy, unfit people there are out there, and how many people who abuse their bodies, it’s worth stating again. Take care of your bodies.

Health is pleasure; there is no point in having the other luxuries if you are not healthy to enjoy it.

Now, on to the fun part. The body is also a source of great pleasure. It gives you pleasure, and is a source of happiness. Read on.

Looking in the wrong places
When I was just out of my teens, I used to look for happiness in all kinds of ways. These included some of the extremes that many others went to – drugs, sex, alcohol, fast cars and extreme sports. (I guess boxing and being punched in the head counts as an extreme sport – I’ve never tried bungee jumping or anything.)

In my early twenties I tried a few more “mature” activities – a stable girlfriend, romantic cruises, walks along the beach, jazz music, a night at the lounge with the boys.

Did they work? Sure. They raised my happiness, but it is all temporary. People have a “set point” of happiness. Certain events and possessions, like an unexpected windfall, might raise or lower them for a moment, but soon we will return to our set point. The key is to raise the set point altogether.

Why do these only work temporarily?

They make you feel truly alive
There is a common theme throughout all I have described above. Almost everyone has tried to find pleasure and happiness through these. They all make you feel alive, that you are doing something extraordinary. You feel vibrant and alive and time seems to warp. Sometimes time goes by real slow. Sometimes you wonder where the hours went.

I’m not saying all they are bad (drugs are); but the rest are fine – provided you do it within the law, and in moderation.

The reasons people feel some experiences are great or better then others are because:
a) It is exclusive – doesn’t happen often.
b) Conditioning: Someone (society, TV, peer pressure) told them it feels good.
c) The sensation is great.

There is probably more, but they are all similar. These reasons, which are artificial distinctions made up in your mind, stand between you and bliss. Remove them, and you would be as happy washing your dishes as you are making love!

Exclusivity
Let’s deal with exclusivity first. This feeling is an artificial distinction! You have to realise that every moment is special and exclusive, for once it is gone, it will never return. We just feel certain moments are special because we don’t experience it that much, or we paid much money to get it, or it only happens once a year, or something. That distinction is something that is made up by your mind.

Social conditioning
Next, the conditioning. What is the difference between feeling the keyboard and mouse on your fingertips and feeling the skin of your lover with your fingertips?

What is the difference between the wind when you are in your garden and the wind when you are speeding down the road in the latest half a million dollar convertible sports car?

These are all artificial distinctions as well. You think it feels better when you are feeling the wind in a sports car for a myriad of reasons – Social status, how rare it is, how much better your car is next to the other cars on the road, how many hot blondes look at you as you speed by…

Would it still feel as good if you sped down the freeway in the same car everyday for ten years and the same blondes look at you for ten years? I would get sick of it, but then again Hugh Hefner doesn’t. I don’t know. (I have read he’s actually depressed, though, if it makes any guys feel better.)

The sensations
Finally, the actual sensation you experience. For most people, certain sensations are more pleasurable then the others. A soft silk sheet will feel better then a rough one. Even in sex, everyone has certain preferences in partners, positions, and so on.

Again, these sensations are artificially created by your mind! There will be people who like rough sheets and not silk sheets. There will be women who prefer Jack Black over Brad Pitt, and on and on!

Your mind has slotted certain things into the “great” category, some into the “superb” category and others into “lousy”, “never again!” and so on. Other people will have slotted the same things into different categories. There is no definite rule on what is good or what is bad.

Happiness and pleasure all begin in your mind
Others have attributed certain qualities to certain acts. For example, some people might attribute intimacy to sex, and thus they take pleasure from the intimacy and not the actual act of sex itself. Others derive pleasure from sex just from the physical sensations. Again, that is something totally made up by your mind.

If you like the intimacy of sex, imagine suddenly remembering that he or she has cheated on you in the past. Most likely the pleasure will disappear right away. But what has changed? Nothing, except your perception of the event, inside your mind!

One way of getting happiness and pleasure
So: If all happiness and pleasure begins in the mind; how do you get into that state of mind? By opening up all your senses and feeling with all your body.

Let me explain further. I believe that skydiving gives you a rush because for those few exquisite moments your senses have all been flipped to maximum. It forces you to use all your senses. It opens your senses in a way that they’ve never been used before in your daily life – and therefore they feel special to you.

Feel great washing your dishes!
If you open all your senses all the time, won’t that have the same effect? All the colours will look more vibrant. Every sensation will be fresh. As you wash your hands, you’ll feel the water over your skin as you’ve never felt it before. It’ll feel the same as the water from a waterfall in an exotic holiday location. You’ll feel the heat in summer, you’ll feel the cold in winter, you’ll feel everything that much more keenly, and enjoy it thoroughly.
Note: This doesn’t apply to something physically painful.

Raise your base set point of happiness
Remember the base “set point” of happiness that I talked about? The best way to increase happiness is not to seek temporary pleasures. Instead, I recommend using meditation to raise your happiness set point. Out of all the methods I’ve tried, meditation has had the best effect.

I’ve read countless other methods, but cannot write about them for I have not tried them enough to recommend them. When I get around to them, and they work, rest assured that you will know about them.

How about heightening pleasure?
Now, on to pleasure gained from temporary events. There is nothing wrong with those, despite all we’ve talked about. There are many ways of enhancing that happiness.

In an older series on overcoming pain, the main theme was to remove yourself from the pain. It is not you, it is something inside you. Observe it. Make the shift from “I am in pain” to “There is pain inside me”. Note the effect it has on your body, note what if feels like; just watch it, don’t judge it, or react to it. (Reread the series if you don’t know what I’m talking about).

I did a little experiment – I tried doing this to pleasurable sensations. To my surprise, it actually increases the pleasure.

But try this next time – no matter what it is: It is separate from you. Try to see it not as “I am feeling great!”, but rather “There is joy inside my body.” See if that works for you, and if it doesn’t, well, you’re still having a good time!

This too shall pass
“This too shall pass”, is a quote that is often said to someone who is in pain or suffering. It does help to lessen the pain. By telling the person the pain will not last forever, and that it is only fleeting, the person no longer identifies with the pain. It is another way of helping them make the shift from “I am in pain” and “There is pain inside me.”

How about applying the same to happiness gained from temporary events? For example, if you see a flower and it is beautiful, do you feel the urge to uproot it and take it home with you? If you see a beautiful sunset, do you wish to capture it with your camera so it lasts longer? If you find a dream lover for one night, do you try to keep him or her forever?

The beauty fades when you try to capture it forever. If you look at the flower you’ve taken home everyday, you might get sick of it, or you might no longer feel it is beautiful. You might call it being desensitised, or have another theory about why this is so; but I think that trying to hold on to happiness detracts from it.

Knowing that happiness and pleasure gained from temporary events will pass soon allows you to open up your senses and enjoy being in the moment. Your attention is no longer being diverted by thinking of how to capture it, you simply let everything be, and the joy deepens.

The ego that obscures your peace

They represent the little things that you take for who you are: Your likes, dislikes, loves, hatreds. They are the history that you can’t let go of. They are your memories, your hopes and dreams. They are your little habits, your hobbies, your mannerisms. All these, each one a mark, combine to make your personality, your ego, your identity.

But what is your personality? It is something that you have mistaken for yourself. Almost everybody does – they don’t know any better. Ask anybody who they are, and most likely they will tell you their name, their age, their job, their race, their gender, their history, dreams, likes and dislikes. They define themselves by these.

These are all part of your personality. But they are merely about you. But they are not you. They merely describe you, but somehow we have reduced ourselves to these descriptions, these little details. We have forgotten who we are; we’ve forgotten the true core and consciousness that has been covered by all these details. And it’s sad, because the core contains everything we seek – everything we look for in the goals we chase – unshakeable peace and joy.

Read this post, and then read all the previous posts – even the ones based on modern psychology, whether they are on anger, sadness, forgiveness or happiness…you’ll find this truth hidden in there somewhere.

Stop the thoughts before they overtake you. Stop the emotions before they take you over. Stop the ego from telling you that things shouldn’t be this way. They all lead to one teaching – stop the ego from marring your peace. Most methods, from old religions, to modern psychology, are based around this – they just describe it in a different way. Either that or they are ignorant of the core consciousness and don’t mention it.

Realizing We Secretly Want Our Suffering – A Process for Emotional Healing

There was something I discovered recently, something that sounds so absurd and yet so simple. As much as I want to be free of whatever I am suffering – there is a part of me that wants it.

Whatever I was facing – sorrow, anger, guilt, hatred, resentment, fear – I wanted it just as much as I hated it. This sounded insane to me, and I’m sure many readers will feel the same way when they think of their own lives. These emotions hurt, tremendously. Why would we want to be this way? Have not the past two years of my life revolved around freedom from suffering?

And it has. With all the work I’ve done in the past two years, things have shifted tremendously. But there are many times I have gotten stuck, when nothing changed no matter what I did. I’ve found this to be a major reason. Even if you don’t believe in this concept, I suggest you take a few minutes to try it for yourself, or at least keep it in mind. If you get stuck in the future, it might be exactly what you need.

The Process
This process builds on the usual emotional work of welcoming the emotion, or letting go of it. If you are not familiar with at least one of them, please pick one and read that article first. However, if you prefer working with thoughts instead of feelings, please read on.

An example might make the process easier to understand. There was a man I met in my teens, and he gave me my first experience of heavy racist abuse. Even now, certain events, people, and places would remind me of him, and bring up unresolved feelings of hatred, shock, and grief. Over the past years, I had done much emotional work on the issue, and while greatly reduced, a lot of it refused to budge.

One day, I realized that while I consciously wanted to be free of it, a denied and hidden part of me wanted to be hurt and angry. And a big part of healing was simply done by getting in touch with this want. I would sit down, close my eyes, and relive the abuse. And this time, when the emotions arose again, I didn’t begin emotional work.

This time, I said to myself – I want to feel this way. I WANT IT. The purpose of this is to shift your focus. This is not to get in touch with the feeling, but the part of you that wants it, the part that is behind the scenes, so to speak. For our current purposes, there really isn’t any need to analyze why it wants to feel this way.

Sometimes this will intensify the current feeling. Often, it will bring up a different feeling. Behind my anger, for instance, was a myriad of other emotions. Fear, abandonment, sorrow. Welcome that feeling. It has been hidden and denied for so long, and we need to get in touch with it. Bring it up; increase it; feel it completely and explore it.

Next, use your preferred emotional work on this new feeling – welcome it, or let it go. (While I refer to these as different approaches, as they were for me in the past, these days they’re really just the different ways of doing the same thing.)

I highly recommend, if this clicks with you, that you spend a few days working on this hidden want. Then, return to your original feeling and process that out. I think you’ll be surprised at how much easier you’ll be able to let go of your original feeling.

Working with Thoughts
In internal work, there are usually two types of people. One prefers the emotional approach and the other prefers working with thoughts. For the second group, one can also use The Work of Byron Katie on this.

You can try working with statements like: I want to hurt him, or I have to be angry at him. The 3rd and 4th questions, which examine cause and effect, would be particularly powerful in this regard.

Update
I can’t help but feel that I have been unclear somewhere in this article, so I would just like to add this section to clear it up. This is for times when we can’t let go of our pain and suffering. As much as we consciously say that we want to, there is also a part that doesn’t. This process is to get in touch with that part, and work with it, before returning to the primary feeling. I’ve found that simply doing this process for a few days on all my long standing resentments and hatreds have allowed the primary suffering to dissolve really quickly.

For those of us who are suffering and consciously revel in it, this might be a good idea also. Do some work on the wanting to suffer, and then return to the primary suffering itself. Hope that clears a few things up.

The Standard Warning
As with all processes described in the blog, please remember that safety and respect for yourself and those around you should be a top priority. Welcoming our urges and emotions does not necessarily mean acting on them. Awareness is very often all that is needed.